Ask a Zombie!
Thank you to everyone who came out to see William Shakespeare’s Land of the Dead: A True and Accurate Account of the 1599 Zombie Plague! We had a fantastic run and we’ve had some fantastic questions asked, so here are the answers straight from the zombies’ mouths.
Do you get itchy? I would think you would. Or does the being dead part make the itch receptors not work? PS I’m a nurse. I’m kinda worried the zombie apocalypse is going to happen when I’m at work. If so, can you call me first?
A: Sometimes but it’s pretty easy to ignore. Besides when you are surrounded by lots of tasty beings you kind of forget about being itchy. PS: I will let you know so I can come and eat your…BRAINS!!!
A: No itchy. And if the zombie apocalypse happens let’s hope it’s not dawn of the dead zombies
A: No. Zombies feel nothing, other than the urge to feast on flesh.
What do brains taste like?
A: Brains? Brains are so good! It’s like jelly but stirred around a bit more and of course you don’t just throw things in a bowl and cook em up. It takes a little longer and a lot more blood but it definitely worth it.
A: Like a Jello of amazingness. I highly recommend it.
Do brains taste like chicken?
A: Only the ones from vegans, oddly enough. More brains may be needed for taste testing. Know anyone?
A: Sort of…It’s like chicken flavoured jelly but with other sort of chunks in it. It’s good though!
If you were yogurt- would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?
A: Fruit at the bottom? I am a little zombie so I don’t know what that means. Sorry!
A: Oh, fruit at the bottom for sure. Also, BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNS.
What was your first kill like? (Were you nervous?)
A: I was so scared when I ate that annoying guy down the road! But luckily I had my dolly Gertrude (Gerdy for short) with me so after giving her a loving bite I enjoyed some annoying meat!!!
A: Imagine you had to chase down, catch, and eat a chicken wing every single time you wanted one. That’s kind of what it was like. Very inconvenient way to go about things.
A: Who has time to be nervous with all these delicious…delicious… BRAAAIIIIIIINNNNS!!!
If Hell is hot, where did the expression “cold as Hell” come from?
A: From people who spent large amounts of time waiting for a bus in December in Calgary
Which race tastes the best?
A: Albinos. Seriously, you have no idea what you’re missing out on. They may not be a race technically, but MY GOD, they are delicious.
A: To answer ‘what race tastes the best’, zombies are colour blind so we really can’t tell what race you are when we eat you. But babies are delicious.
A: I don’t know but Bacon’s arm tastes pretty good to me.
I just gotta ask. The little string of neck meat- what is it?
A: Flesh! Duh!
A: Of course it’s neck meat
Which part of the brain is the juiciest? Medulla oblongata? The pons? The pineal gland?
A: The most delectable part of the brain is the amygdala; it’s the emotive non-verbal centre of the brain, and being an emotive non-verbal being, I find it most satisfying.
A: I have to say that it’s all really good. You can’t go wrong with jelly with chunks in it!
Do you enjoy Easter dinner?
A: I adore Easter dinner. There are so many different dishes to enjoy!!! The roasted brain, flesh pudding and for dessert finger cookies!!!
A: I don’t think zombies care about holidays
Do you find movies or TV shows like The Walking Dead offensive?
A: Not really. They do portray us all wrong but the part where the humans get devoured is awesome!!! The ending usually sucks though…all the zombies die. 🙁
A:Not offended. They half to tell our story too
How can you eat and not poop?! (poop drawing with speech bubble “Where do I go?”)
A: As for pooping, when I ‘eat’ it’s more of a taste-and-spit-out kind of a deal. I’m like a human flesh sommelier. It really helps to ‘eliminate’ the need to move the bowels (see what I did there?).
A: Dr Dee should be answering this
What’s with all the BRAINS??!!
A: Ummm…are you insane? Brains are the best things EVER!!! That reminds me…BRAINS!!!
If a zombie had an epic fight against a vampire, who would win?
A: Zombie hands down. Vampires are really just crystals that sparkle in the sunlight so if a zombie bit a crystal it would shatter! Besides vampires are way stupider than zombies. Wait a second did you say BRAINS?
A: Gary Oldman would win hands down
A: I totally agree. BRAINS!!!
Do zombies fart?
A: Yes. And they smell like death.
A: There is a lot of farting. As a decaying corpse, the gasses build up and there is nothing you can do about it. Better out than in, as my father always said.
A: Zombies do smell bad but I don’t think it’s farts. Please ask an older zombie.
Can a zombie feel love?
A: I’d ask an older zombie. Little zombies like me find love disgusting. But couples taste really good to share!!!
A: Taste love not feel
A: Does eating a heart count as feeling love? If not, we can certainly taste it.
Is Quinn single?
A:Yes, but unfortunately zombies cannot feel love.
Thanks for all of your zombie questions! If you have your own zombie questions, email them to email@example.com.